Failure IS an Option

You know when something is top of mind for you, but you keep pushing the thoughts away because you don’t want to deal with the hard part of fixing something in your life? Well, I’ve been feeling something recently, and then all of a sudden I was bombarded with 3 different sources giving me the same message in 24 hours.

I struggle with letting myself fail. I have this ridiculous standard for myself, and I feel like I have to do everything perfectly or not do it at all. I always want to be the best I can be, and nothing less is acceptable.

There are parts of my life where I have started to let these standards for myself go, like in my yoga practice. I used to shame myself for not being flexible enough, or strong enough, or “you fill in the blank” enough.

I’ve finally gotten to a point where I don’t care what people think about me in yoga. If I fall it’s ok! It means I am pushing myself to try something difficult. If someone thinks I’m not flexible enough or whatever enough, who cares! It’s my practice, not theirs.

The place where I struggle with this ridiculous standard for myself the most is at work. I have a hard time voicing my opinion or taking risks because I’m afraid of being judged or seen in a bad light.

Let me tell you, I know a sign when I see it! Three different sources telling me that I need to fail more to grow and learn. My boss gave me feedback that I need to push myself outside of my comfort zone and that failing is ok (and encouraged!), I read the next chapter (called “Failure Is the Way Forward”) in a book I’m reading, and then at yoga this morning the message was about getting messy and not being afraid of failure.

Well, message received. I’ve already done a few things today that are slightly out of my comfort zone (spoke up twice in a team meeting and posted a few ideas in different slack channels).

Here’s to making myself take on a new challenge every day. It’s ok to start small, but I’m hoping to slowly build up my confidence and work towards big changes and bigger risks!

I recently went bouldering for the first time in a LONG time and was really nervous, but once i got there I had a blast!

Season of Change

It’s been a while since I posted, but it’s because it’s been a whirlwind this past month. I started a new job, moved to a new city, and have been living alone for the first time. All of these are things I’m very excited about, but it’s also been a bit stressful and overwhelming.

I started my new job and love the people and the company, but it’s an adjustment going back to work after almost a full year off. I knew it would be, but it was a bit tougher to get the ball rolling to feel productive than I was expecting. This week I finally feel like I’m getting back into the swing of things.

The day I moved from San Francisco to Denver was SO cold! It was single digit weather, and I’m very fortunate that my brother picked me up at the airport. We did an IKEA run so I could at least have a couch, and we had to drive it back in the snow.

The next day was literally 4° F. I haven’t experienced that kind of cold before, and I made the mistake of walking to get dinner that night. Luckily it was under 15 minutes, but I learned just how cold it can be here!

When I got to the restaurant I ended up chatting with the woman next to me. She was very friendly and gave me suggestions of what to order, welcomed me to Denver, and let me know that this cold weather is not the norm. What a relief!

Something that’s been wearing on me the past few weeks is that I feel unlike my usual, positive self. I’ve been stressed, emotionally all over the place, and generally on edge. I sat down one day and tried to figure out exactly why I feel this way and how I can change my attitude.

The conclusion that I came to is that change is hard! Not only am I changing one thing, I’m basically making all the big life changes at once! I have a new city, a new job, a new home, and a new relationship. All at once!

I’m realizing how tough it is to live in a new to a new city, no matter how excited you are about the move. I can’t find where I’m going even with GPS (there’s no sign at the train station to point you to the bus terminal which is under ground), I think I’m paying for my apartment to be 72° all day because I can’t figure out how to turn it off, I took the bus for the first time and I don’t know the proper bus etiquette (some passed without stopping, and the one I needed opened it’s door half a block before the stop so I ran to get on), and I’m having to get used to walking in snow and ice at night and trying not to eat it.

As I’m adjusting and getting to know my new city, one thing I can definitely appreciate is how incredibly nice the people are here. Every Lyft line I’ve taken has lead to great conversations, people that I ask directions from smile and offer so much help, and my coworkers all have great senses of humor and are extremely helpful.

It’s a lot of change at once, but I’m so grateful for everything I have and I’m finally starting to feel a bit more settled. My to-do list still feels a mile long, but I’m loving my bullet journal and slowly working my way through it all. Also, luckily I have a nice open space in my apartment that I’ve been using for daily morning yoga and meditation sessions. Even 10 minutes of stretching and a few minutes of silent mediation goes a long way!

Getting used to the Colorado lifestyle by snow shoeing in a snowstorm. ❄️

Gratitude

I’ve often read that writing down things that you’re grateful for helps you to feel happier. It make sense that when you shift your focus to things or people or really anything that you appreciate or enjoy, that you will think happier thoughts.

Sometimes it’s easy to get sucked  into our own world and complain about little things that bother us. For example, I may start to complain when I have to carry my groceries five city blocks or when I have to wait a long time to get a parking spot.

As I find myself thinking negative thoughts, I’ve been trying to shift my energy and focus instead towards being grateful for everything that I have. I’m lucky that I have the opportunity to buy groceries and carry them home. I’m grateful that I can walk and that I have the strength to lift groceries.

Instead of complaining about something, I think about how fortunate I am to have what I have. As I’ve been shifting my energy towards being grateful, I’ve found that I’m much more satisfied in general.

It doesn’t always come naturally, so it’s definitely something that I actively have to think about and focus on, but the more I do it, the more naturally it’s coming.

Instead of complaining about the cold or the snow, you can make a snow angel! :)

Slowing Down

Something I’ve noticed since I’ve been back in San Francisco for a couple weeks is that everyone seems to be in a hurry. Always rushing from place to place, running across the red lights so they can get where they’re going faster, and also constantly looking at their phones, even as they walk. It’s like there’s so much to do that there’s not even enough time to look around and enjoy your surroundings as you walk.

Something I learned while in Greece is that I have much less anxiety and stress when I don’t rush. When I have somewhere to be, I always make sure I allow extra time to get where I’m going so I don’t feel anxious or stressed about being late. I’m one of those people that absolutely hates being late, so I need to make sure that I build in enough time to get where I’m going early or on time.

As I’ve done this, not only have my anxiety levels decreased, but I’ve paid much more attention to my surroundings and noticed a lot more of the little, beautiful things around me. Yesterday I walked a mile to a meeting I had, and it was amazing to see all of the construction that’s happening, to smile at people (the ones that weren’t looking down or at their phones), and just generally appreciate everything around me.

I arrived with time to spare, so I was able to explore a new and very interesting part of the city I hadn’t seen, as well as take some deep breathes to prepare myself for the meeting.

I’m a bit worried about transitioning back to city life, but I really hope I don’t lose the ability to slow down. It has truly enriched my life and made me appreciate my surroundings much more, and I’ve noticed that I’m much happier as my anxiety has dropped significantly. Here’s to slowing down to appreciate the small things and preserve a healthy level of calmness!

Some cute street art I passed on my walk yesterday.